Top 10 Scariest Marketing Halloween Costumes

by Patrick Shea

Date

October 31, 2011 at 1:00 PM

spam costume

1. The Paid Links Buyer

If the internet were an election, an inbound link would be like getting a genuine, killer endorsement. Just like paying money for that endorsement would get the ethics committee up in arms, so too does purchasing inbound links. And oh yeah, if you get busted, Google will hack up your site's credibility and ranking like Jason and Freddy.

2. The Yellow Pages

The once proud advertising vehicle has become a drain on marketing budgets. The world goes online for its information now, reducing the relevancy of these 4-inch thick behemoths sitting on doorstops.

3. Slow Load Time

Websites with music and large graphics test visitor patience, not to mention tick off search engines. If your site takes minutes to load and jams browsers (the spinning circle of death, for Mac users), potential leads will start skipping over your site like trick-or-treaters skip houses with a rep for giving out toothbrushes or fruit. 

4. The 17-Form Field

Your content might be the greatest thing since candy corn and Smarties, but nothing is worth filling out a mile-long form. Keep your forms short and succinct. Ask only what you need to know. Long and winding landing pages are scary, needlessly daunting for visitors, and might as well be penned by Stephen King. 

5. Blog Spam

Most websites put 'nofollow' tags in the comments section of their blogs. That means the links contained within the non-sequitur gibberish spammers post are worth nothing. The ineffectiveness of this online link building tactic is scary, not to mention a huge time-suck for whoever is in charge of policing, approving, and deleting comments.

6. Bad Marketing Automation Campaign

Disingenuous. Impersonal. Zombie-like. Emailing your leads with messages that don't logically connect to their interests and needs will pop your credibility like a blood capsule.

7. The TV Media Buyer

Trying to make your marketing messages impactful in a medium dominated by DVRs and online viewing sites like Hulu is becoming a Nightmare on ROI Street. Online content will make your company look like a solution, not an annoyance.

8. The Email List Buyer

Email lists deteriorate at a staggering rate each year. Purchased lists cost more than they're worth, perform terribly, deliver scant results, and drive online marketers batty with weak ROI and bounce-backs. 

9. The Twitter Auto DM

Twitter is a proven one-to-many format for marketers who want to promote online, lead generating content. But using the platform's one-to-one direct message functionality in an automated manner will make you look like a ghoulish spammer to users. 

10. The Old School Marketer

This person builds his or her marketing strategy out of many of the above tactics. They are the living dead, so to speak. Nailing this costume would be easy -- just dress up as a ghost. 

What else scares you as an inbound marketer?

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