Some might argue that I'm getting too old to play drinking games. I say, I'm just old enough to make them
If you're reading this and you're under 21—please click away. Now. Don't make me call your mother. (I am one, so I'll do it. Believe me.)
If you're at work—consider printing this out and saving it for later, when you're less likely to end up in the company newsletter or on an episode of
Girls Gone Wild
. Unless of course, you're into that sort of thing.
Also, as my mother used to say, be smart. If you can't be smart, be careful. And if you can't (or forget to) be careful...
name the kid after me.
I should preface this post with the following disclaimer:
Which means that by law, I am required to consume at least 8 oz of vodka per day, every day. Including Sunday.
It's not my fault; it's cultural. Perhaps even biological.
But I digress.
And Now We Drink
The Inbound Marketing Drinking Game is simple. Begin by going to a bar. Grab a seat. Ask the bartender for the Yellow Pages.
Yes, the actual Yellow Pages.
If he actually has a copy of the Yellow Pages,
Ask everyone in the bar the last time they USED the Yellow Pages. Drink every time someone admits to doing so.
By now, you are probably still quite sober. So let's take things up a notch.
Look around the room. How many people are texting or talking on a mobile device? Take one drink for each person you see doing either.
Is there a "Like Us on Facebook" or "Follow Us on Facebook" sign in the window of this fine establishment? Great. Then you must
! Make it a double if they mention Foursquare!
Hammered yet? No?
Okay, then stand up on your bar stool and YELL at everyone in the bar: "I work for company X! Our products are awesome! You should visit us at www.companyx.com." (Replace "X" with your actual company name, of course.)
Now walk up to each person in the bar, interrupt the conversation they're having, tell them you have a very special offer for them if they act NOW!, ask for their name and email address, then walk over to the next person and repeat.
Once you've accosted every single patron in the bar with the above script, leave the bar. Go home and immediately email them with a generic, semi-spammy offer. If possible, misspell their first name and send the email from a "firstname.lastname@example.org" email address so they feel extra special.
Take two Advil. Floss your teeth. Wake up in the morning and swear to never, ever ... EVER go Outbound again.
Originally published May 11, 2011 9:00:00 PM, updated March 21 2013