There’s no such place as a “pun-itentiary,” but if there were, this post would be sentenced to the max.

While the content of this post does absolutely nothing for SEO, we thought it was a good idea to do anyway. Why? Because it’s fun and real human beings may like reading it as much as we liked writing it.

You can drive yourself crazy trying to optimize every single word for every one of your Key Performance Whatevers. Sometimes it’s OK to have a little fun, and let your readers in on the fun, too.

So, in no particular order, here’s the best “pun-ishment” we could dish out:

1) Q: What did the hippie blogger yell at the rally for writers’ rights? A: “Write on!”

2) Is there a blogger whose creative life hasn’t been punctuated with slow writing periods?

3) Also, as a blogger, it’s best to avoid beer. Sometimes that first draft can get in the way of your novel ideas.

4) “People did not descend from monkeys,” one blogger argued. “But, on the other hand, the Welsh come from Wales.”

5) I once got a job blogging for this French recipe site. I had to quit, because it gave me the crepes.

6) I wrote a pregnancy blog once with “can’t” and “don’t.” The first comment was: “You are having contractions!”

7) I avoid using apostrophes in my blogging. They are too possessive.

8) I lie awake at night sometimes worrying that my words, phrases, and punctuation will end up in court. Why? To be sentenced, of course.

9) Would a blog about transcendentalism require Thoreau editing?

10) Before I began blogging, I was somewhat of a dedicated copy editor. Unfortunately, when I saw typos I became [sic].

11) As a blogger, I constantly feel cold, probably because I’m surrounded by so many drafts.

12) I believe we can all become better bloggers if we network and share simile experiences.

13) While doing research for a blog on sign language, nothing handy came up, at least nothing I could put my finger on.

14) I was once asked to do a blog about atheist mathematicians. I couldn’t find any, because they all believe in higher powers.

15) Sometimes I run out of blogging ideas. That’s when I go to the fabric store and find new material.

16) My editor once criticized my blog. He said that double negatives were a “no-no.”

17) I once wrote a blog about a 4-foot-tall fortune-teller who escaped from prison. It was titled “Small Medium at Large.”

18) We bloggers are sometimes deep thinkers. For example, if pencils came with erasers at both ends, what would be the point?

19) I was writing a blog one day about how lightning works. I was having trouble coming up with an ending, and then it struck me.

20) I hate it when customers ask for illustrations when I blog. One time I was blogging about the best restrooms in Paris and they asked for a relief map.

21) There’s a great market out there for blogs about exotic animals. I once submitted one on wingless birds -- the emu and the penguin. Unfortunately, it didn’t fly.

22) The left side of my blog is completely missing, but it's all right now.

23) I just read a blog about anti-gravity, and I'm telling you, it's impossible to put down.

24) Did you hear about the blog post on oxygen and potassium? It was OK.

25) Did you see the blog on renewable energy? I'm a big fan.

26) Did you see the blog post on the printer? Someone named it Bob Marley because it kept jamming.

27) The blog on shoe repair knows just how to heel you, save your sole, and will even dye for you.

28) The baker who made donuts decided to close down his blog after he got sick of the hole thing.

29) I wrote a blog about organ donors, and I sure put my heart into it.

30) The blog on bears got shut down, even though it had all the koalifications.

Scott Yates perpetrated this post, but he had co-conspiratorial help from some of the thousands of writers who mutter on at BlogMutt on behalf of business customers all over the world.

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Originally published Jun 6, 2014 2:00:00 PM, updated August 27 2017