This is a guest article by Maribeth Kuzmeski, author of new book
The Connectors: How the World's Most Successful Businesspeople Build Relationships and Win Clients for Life
.
She is also the founder of
Red Zone Marketing
, which consults to Fortune 500 firms on strategic marketing planning and business growth.
It’s a question most of us have asked ourselves: What makes successful people so, well, successful? It’s tempting to think that those at the top of the ladder know something the rest of us mere mortals don’t—quite simply, what sets you apart from the competition is your ability to connect. Here a few simple tips that have helped some of world’s most successful.
1) Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that reads, “Make me feel important.”
This was the life philosophy of Mary Kay Ash, the well-known cosmetics mogul. Her genuine concern for others catapulted her out of poverty and was the secret to her success.
2) Seek out a common interest.
People want others to be like them. Establishing that you and a client root for the same baseball team or volunteer at the same charity will go a long way in making you relevant in his eyes!
3) Don’t work from a script.
Try to scrap the memorized pitch in favor of a more natural conversation. You’ll seem more at ease and authentic—and your prospect will be less tempted to think that you’re fluffing up the facts.
4) Remember the remarkable.
Entrepreneur Sunny Bates makes a point to identify and write down the things that stand out to her in every conversation. She then references those statements in future interactions—and has been amazed by the reactions she’s gotten when others realize that she has paid attention to and valued what they’ve said!
5) Cultivate curiosity.
According to Lee Iacocca, former Chrysler CEO, "A leader has to show curiosity. He has to listen to people outside of the 'Yes, sir' crowd in his inner circle. Businesspeople need to listen at least as much as they need to talk. Too many people fail to realize that real communication goes in both directions."
6) Act like a good listener.
(Don’t let your body image betray you!) We’re constantly bombarded with information, so it’s almost instinctive to tune it out. When you’re interacting with someone, you need to consciously change your body language to reflect that you want to receive information; otherwise, it may appear that you’re trying to get away from it. Remember, your face says it all.
7) Resist the urge to be a one-upper.
Perhaps you feel compelled to share that you battled the flu for twice as long as your colleague. Or maybe you’re dying to tell your client how great your vacation to Hawaii was after she mentions her trip to the lake. Three words: Don’t. Do. It. When you’re always trying to top other people, you’re ruining communication.
8) Ask effective questions.
When you’re communicating, remember: garbage in, garbage out. If you ask the wrong questions, you’ll get the wrong answers—or at least different answers from the ones you were hoping for. Think about what you’re hoping to learn, and remember that an open-ended question is almost always more effective than one that elicits a simple “Yes” or “No” answer.
Are there any other tricks you can think of to make sure you're connecting with the right people to build your business?
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Mark A McKenney 3:16 PM on October 12, 2009
Yep it works! Your article is so true. I was at the ISPA conference in Austin, Texas this past week @ISPA09 and 'accidentally' bumped in to all the right people (one of them retweeting and winning the prize). Today i followed up the old fashioned way via e-mail and next i will follow up again via social media.
Daniel 3:17 PM on October 12, 2009
I'm reading Dale Carnegie's Win Friends & Influence People for the second time, and this reinforces so many important principles from his book. These are tried and true methods that have worked for ages.
Pam Moore 3:34 PM on October 12, 2009
These are great reminders for us all.
We find it very hard in Florida to keep some networking events focused on biz. I find that the economy pushes people toward needing to feel connected more than usual. I think the key is in finding the balance of personal connection and business as we really need both.
Thank you for another great post. A big supporter of all you do!
Thanks
Pam Moore
Leon Grove 3:46 PM on October 12, 2009
Good information. I know that I have not mastered the first one 'to make people feel important' yet. I know that I have the ability to but something keeps me from doing it.
Leslie McKerns 4:19 PM on October 12, 2009
I loved Number 7. I too, forget this! Not that I am trying to one up, but I think I am agreeing and eagerly telling my story as a way to cement the moment. Forgetting that of course, I just stepped all over their story.
Angela 4:25 PM on October 12, 2009
I believe this. I have a coworker that does all of this and I think he will go places for it. Doesn't know more than anyone else in our dept. but our boss LOVES him. He's always getting new responsibilities thrown his way. Irritating to us folks that are too shy to do what he does or simply don't want to put forth the effort. Guess that's more my fault than his so maybe I shouldn't be so judgmental. Hmmm something to think about.
Dee Gardner 5:19 PM on October 12, 2009
All you have to do is care about other people and try to help them to be happy.
Great article
Chris Bintliff 6:10 PM on October 12, 2009
Great points - important in this age of "social media" not to forget the "social" part is about more than "collecting friends", but treating people right.
Deborah Richmond 8:01 PM on October 12, 2009
I love the one by the founder of Mary Kay, pretend everyone has a sign around their neck that says "Make me feel important." This is so easy to do and it really makes people's day. Everyone wants to know they matter to you. This is a perfect way to phrase the phenomenon.
sean clark 8:37 PM on October 12, 2009
nice list and good advice....although having to 'pretend' anything in forging relationships is dangerous in my view.
Although the words that wrap some of the above points are a bit in conflict, the fundamentals of authenticity, caring and truthfulness are solid. In fact if you have to navigate around these, then the connection will turn into a disconnect down the line.
Ed Bisquera 10:34 PM on October 12, 2009
I really like number 4 and have realized I do that, but a variance of that concept. Whenever I am in a meeting or listening to someone, I take notes. At first, people think it's kind of weird, but I tell them that because I value the time they take with me, I want to make sure I jot anything down that they've said.
It helps me remember the "main points" plus many have told me locally they appreciate the "journalistic" approach I take, when meeting with them.
Sure, I keep a small diary or dossier on everyone I meet, but it really helps me remember them more clearly and give me something to talk about again when I see them, whether in person or online in one of the social media realms.
I also like #7 and I have to admit, I have found myself making that same mistake. Usually it's too late, seeing the words out of my mouth, like a bubble in a cartoon! But now whenever I am listening to someone talk, I force myself to keep a clear mind and not think of what I want to say next. That also helps me to refrain from "one-upping" the storyline.
Thanks for bringing focus on connecting with all the right people! :-)
Ed Bisquera
Toni Anicic 2:51 AM on October 13, 2009
Love the article. It's something new and different then what we usually read here or on related blogs :)
Eric Melchor 6:38 AM on October 13, 2009
Wonderful article! I always knew that talking about common interests really helps, but #1 about the sign around a person's neck is so clever and easy to remember. Thanks!
Eric Melchor
http://onlinemediaanalyst.com
Kelly Samson 8:36 AM on October 13, 2009
Honest, simple, great advice. People often overlook the reason they perhaps have one mouth and two ears.
Roshni Mirchandani 10:51 AM on October 13, 2009
Great tips! Each one addresses key points that many people may or may not do, and this is an excellent way to realize your strengths and weaknesses in networking.
Seeking out a common interest (#2) is the easiest yet one of the most effective tools for communicating with someone. Finding something that you can both relate to allows you to connect on a personal level and adds a new dimension to your relationship. People are more likely to remember you if you make a personal impact instead of a business impact.
Just be sure not to say anything bad about their favorite sports team if your team is a rival!
Joe B. Wharton 1:46 PM on October 13, 2009
We posted that exact Mary Kay Ash quote on our Facebook page last week. It is a great piece of advise!
neagaoleg 3:10 PM on October 15, 2009
thanx, i appreciate you effort to provide this semantic information